Work on your own confidence and love your life – the rest will follow
I think something happened to me when my longtime ex and I broke up
Losing him was my worst fear, and when I lost him, in a way, having my greatest fear come true made me a little bit fearless. Don’t get me wrong. It totally sucked at the time. Honestly, I didn’t think I would recover. I cried for months. I thought at times I would die because my heart just hurt so much. But time heals everything and without all that dead weight (sorry kidding sort of haha) I started to really succeed in my career.
Rather than staying in and eating takeout on the couch with him, I got out there and networked. I worked my butt off at my blog and ultimately left my day job to pursue what had been just a fun project full time. Things started to really fall in place for me and I can’t say that would have happened if we were still together.
The first step doesn’t have anything to do with dating.
Build a life you are proud of and excited about. On your own. I wrote a post about how to be single last year and it went viral. So please go read that post before you even download a dating app or talk menina bonita da Holanda to a guy at the bar. This is the most important step.
I’ve always been really proud of my life but for me it wasn’t until we did our live show at Caroline’s and started booking other live shows that I became a lot more confident. It was this amazing feeling of “Wow, I’m really onto something that people seem to really like and am just so proud of what I am doing.” Confidence doesn’t come from being the hottest person in the room – or the funniest – or the smartest, or whatever.
There will always be someone funnier, smarter, prettier, richer, more charming, etc. than you.
BUT I like who I am and when I want to do something I will work my butt off to make it happen. That is where I get my confidence from. Not from being the prettiest or the cleverest but from knowing that I can do pretty much anything if I’m willing to work for it, and knowing that I will always land on my feet regardless of whether I am single, in a relationship, (or just embarrassing myself on stage).
The live show was my big a-ha moment and we are all different and you will find yours from something else. I think it’s just about knowing your worth and believing in yourself and knowing you will be okay with or without a guy. I don’t have any anxiety that I won’t meet “my person.” I know I will, it just may take time. I also realize that my ideal relationship might not look like someone else’s ideal.
Choosing an app.
My friend Jess had a very funny post written about why she hates Bumble. If you listen to our podcast you know I am not a huge fan of Bumble either. I really think it’s encouraging laziness in men (and feeding their egos having all these women chasing them down – my male friends admit to this too). Not my app of choice.
Hinge has been my favorite app so far. It’s the only one I have. I feel repetitive saying this but the reason I like this is the questions + prompts. I feel like you can very easily get a sense of someone’s personality, sense of humor, and overall world view. It’s also a LOT easier to have a conversation as it generally gives you something to talk about.
