How to Navigate the Complicated World of College Dating
Everyday, college students face the stress of balancing their school and social lives for the first time on their own. The unique freedom of college can’t be replicated when living with your parents or latersupporting a family, which makes it a perfect time for many people to experiment. Some people try new substances or dress differently, while others take the opportunity to find themselves through romantic and sexual relationships.
Many believe romantic opportunities on college campuses have disappeared with the prevalence of hookup culture, but that doesn’t mean college students don’t want to find relationships! In a study analyzing 22 college campuses across the US between 2005 and 2011, nearly the same number of students reported engaging in hookup culture and going on a date Bravo Date datum (62% and 61%, respectively). Only 8% of students reported engaging in hookup culture without going on a date or being in a long-term relationship, while 26.5% of students said they had not engaged in hookup culture but had been on a date or been in a long-term relationship.
Clearly, college students aren’t putting all their focus on casual sex in the ways they are typically portrayed as doing, but there are a lot of layers to the romantic experience on college campuses that are worth unpacking. Keep reading for a guide to college romance; whether that means hook-ups, long-distance, or just finding a spark.
What Makes Dating in College Unique?
Most people come to college after years in a smaller school environment where they have been with the same people for a long time, so the opportunity to meet new people can be exciting.
Danielle*, a junior in college, says this constant ability to meet new people makes dating in college unique. “Even if it’s not anything serious, you have the opportunity to get to meet and learn about a lot of new people,” she says. “The pool of people is just so much bigger. It takes the pressure off a little bit because there are always people that you’ve never met before.”
However, it’s important to remember all of the new people you’re meeting are at different places in their lives. Some people may have already been in a serious relationship, and others may have little to no romantic or sexual experience at all.
Dr. Akeem Marsh, a professor of psychiatry at NYU, says a major difference between relationships in college versus later in life is that students come into college with more varied expectations for relationships.
“If individuals seeking relationships at later stages in life are more evenly matched at level of development, expectations tend to be more evenly matched,” Dr. Marsh says. In college, expectations are less likely to be evenly matched, and many interactions reflect that. This often leads to hurt feelings and confusion.
This should be taken into account, especially given how easy it can be to rush into relationships in college with the excitement of new freedom and connection.“Relationships move faster in college because you can spend so much more time together than in high school,” says Claire, who has experienced long-term relationships in both high school and college. She says the lack of boundaries afforded by college schedules and living arrangements allows couples to spend more time together more quickly, making it easy to rush into things.
Hookup Culture
The newfound freedom of college students has many people, including college students, expecting campuses to be flooded with partying, substance-use, and sex-things that lend themselves to hookup culture. And while this behavior can definitely be found on college campuses, not everyone is in pursuit of this stereotypical college lifestyle.
