The guy my friend was dating never really invested in her
“Doesn’t count. Anyone on Facebook or Instagram could see the pictures, and I’m sure he talks about them to his friends and co-workers. Do you know what his ultimate goals are? His fears? What makes him happy? What his weak points are?”
And therein lies the problem. She slept with him before they developed any sort of a real connection. They were still in the casual getting-to-know-one-another phase. He hadn’t shown any level of investment (I know going on three Saturday night dates in a row with a guy can feel like he’s investing, but it’s not so). They didn’t really know each other; all they knew were the superficial details that anyone else can be privy to.
When it comes to sleeping with a guy, the quantity of dates is an arbitrary measure of the state of your relationship. What matters is the quality of the time you spend together.
Yeah, he was attracted and somewhat interested, but after sex was in the mix, he lost interest in pursuing things further. Why should he take her out on nice dates and wine her and dine her when he can call her at 1 a.m. when he’s feeling horny and get his needs met? When sex comes before a real emotional connection has been established, it’s hard to rewind the clock.
A girl who sleeps with a guy on the first date after an evening of intense, meaningful conversation that fosters a bond is much more likely to have a lasting relationship than a girl who sleeps with a guy she hasn’t really formed a connection with on the fifth date
For men, sex is sex and love is love. And one does not lead to the other. A lot of women make the mistake of thinking sex is some sort of relationship milestone, but that’s not how most men see it.
My friend didn’t really start to catch feelings until the guy’s interest began to wane. This is another common phenomenon I see frequently and there are a few reasons for it.
If we’re going to talk about it from a scientific point of view. I’m sure you’ve heard of Oxytocin, AKA the “love hormone.” It is basically released during any moment of physical touch, so the more intimate you are, the closer you will feel to that person.
Next, there is the universal human phenomenon of wanting what we can’t have. As soon as he started losing interest in her, she saw him as being inherently more valuable and started to invest even more (and there are psychological reasons behind this which we can discuss in a different article!).
As women, we’ve been told all our lives that we need to make a guy wait for sex, like it’s some bargaining chip to dangle in front of him in order to get what we want out of him
The right time to sleep with a guy is when he has shown a level of investment in you. (This is assuming you want a relationship with him. If you want a friend with benefits or a steady booty call, then sleep with him whenever you want – just be safe!)
This doesn’t necessarily mean he calls you his girlfriend or has said he loves you. It means you both are able to drop your masks and be real when you’re together. It means he shares things with you he doesn’t share with other people in his life (and vice versa). It means he cares about you and respects you as a person.
I get where the idea comes from, and there is a grain of truth in there, but it doesn’t get to the heart of the matter and leaves too much room for interpretation. Most women take it to mean that the longer she holds out on having sex with him, the more he’ll chase her and the more invested he’ll become. Maybe this can work, but usually, it Aplicação cougar life doesn’t and the guy will see right through what you’re trying to pull.
